Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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