Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
