every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
