you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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