i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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