Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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