:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
