i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
