tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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