as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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