yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I forgot wine drunk hurts
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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