addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
