you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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