She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So here I am, sexting at work.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
