so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
