wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
