the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
