her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i've created a new STD.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
