I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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