and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
