with your own penis?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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