you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
