The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
