my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize