I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
