Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
