He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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