A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
