I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
