at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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