I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
