i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
