I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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