Come see our sink grown plant.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
