I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
