Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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