last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You took a bar mat shot.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
