just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she peed on how many people?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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