she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Plan B is the new Plan A
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
