I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
