I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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