Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
