Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
