so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
