eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize