I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
