Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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