He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
