Betty ford says i'm here all night
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
