so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
