Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
