so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
