dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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