haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
