i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
