he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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