A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize