but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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