Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
