nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
