Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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