I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
