didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
420 ftw
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
