quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize