Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
