Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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