he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
