I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
