Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
