if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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