guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
