Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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