the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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