i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
