I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
