see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
