hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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