Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
