new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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