My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
